Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Should I Marry Without a Parent's Blessing? Part 2

Two years ago I wrote a post about  marrying without a parent's blessing, it has spawned a few comments and is my most controversial post.

Many have asked for a Bible verse to back up my post, here it is

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

In my original post I said over and over again that marrying without a parent's blessing is a very serious decision, and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. I think that only a foolish person would abandon the relationship with their parents for some cute girl or guy that they hardly know. But if a young man and woman have done all they can to seek the parent's blessing and the parent is withholding for petty reasons that is when the couple needs to seek counseling. Mom and dad are not perfect, and their kids are not perfect. When it comes to such a complicated thing as love sometimes outside counseling is needed. I don't think a couple should lightly take a parent's rejection of their boyfriend or girlfriend. If a christian couple is honest about wanting to be together for reasons beyond attraction and infatuation then they NEED to seek counseling if objections are brought up.

Love is complicated, and finding the right person is a huge task. I've heard that it takes about 4 years to truly get to know someone, if sexual cravings are the only reason that you have to be with that person you need to take a step back and take a good look at the relationship.  Puppy love makes it easy to ignore warning signs of potential problems.

I also just want to add that if a couple pursues marriage and does not take their parents opinion seriously then that young person is foolish. Someone who is serious about the relationship will do things right. A foolish person won't.

Pin It Now!

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Moving On

(to sensitive readers there is one minor swear word in the beginning of this video- however I still highly recommend watching this)

A young man has been creating videos about his life and this particular video really touched me. Dominic offers some amazing thoughts and insights of dealing with moving on from a failed relationship. He discusses the pain, the emotional turmoil and the questions that won't seem to end. I enjoyed his thought provoking statements.

While I have never had to deal with the pain of the end of a romantic relationship, I have recently gone through the end of what was a former close friendship. It was very hard to deal with and very confusing. I  may not be able to identify with someone who has to deal with a romantic loss, but I do understand the sense of loss and confusion. 

Loss seems to be a very normal part of life that is very very hard to accept, and moving on is never easy. But it can be done. It just takes time. 

I hear so many people say "in 30 years you will look back on this time in your life much differently" 
While I certainly hope that is true I would love a new perspective now. Being sick, dealing with a back injury, having a friend leave without explanation- it makes right now seem really bleak and depressing. 

All we can do is be patient and keep moving forward- even if we never understand. 

Pin It Now!

Monday, April 21, 2014

How to Tell If a Guy Likes You

While some guys may be obvious and bold about their feelings for a girl other guys may be shy about it. Getting to know someone that you have feelings for can be a confusing in life as for some reason we are all so shy about confessing our interest in a person! 

Pin It Now!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Love is.....

(***warning*** there are plot line spoilers in this clip, if you haven't seen the movie yet don't watch!)

Most people nowadays don't understand what "True Love" actually is. Some say it's that fluttering feeling in your stomach when you see your beloved one, or that fact that you two just REALLY REALLY REALLY are "in love" with each other.  

In the scene above Olaf the Snowman tells Anna what true love is.

"Love is putting someone else's needs before yours,"
A simple and silly little Disney cartoon character hit the nail on the head. If you want a relationship that lasts and is happy one of the biggest requirements is sacrifice. 

I Corinthians 13 discusses what true love (Charity) is and what it does.

Charity suffereth longand is kind;
 charity envieth notcharity vaunteth not itselfis not puffed up, 
Doth not behave itself unseemlyseeketh not her ownis not easily provokedthinketh no evil
Rejoiceth not in iniquitybut rejoiceth in the truth; 
Beareth all thingsbelieveth all thingshopeth all thingsendureth all things. 
Charity never faileth

These verses have a common theme, and that is sacrifice. Love is not a mere emotion or a feeling that comes and goes as it pleases. Love is SO MUCH MORE than that. It is an action, a choice a commitment. Love won't give up, it's not selfish and it seeks the very best for the person who is loved. Love isn't those butterflies in your stomach when you see that cute guy; love is when you hold your husband's hand and promise that you two will get through the trials of life together. It's when you sacrifice for your spouse and when he sacrifices for you. It's when you rejoice in the good times and comfort in the bad times.

Pin It Now!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Everyone's a Bit of a Fixer Upper

If you are a child at heart like I am odds are you have probably already seen the newest disney Princess movie "Frozen". While there have already been countless posts on Queen Elsa and her struggle with fear I am going to focus on a different part of the story. 

Out of all the songs in this beautifully animated movie one of them stood out to me in particular. In the scene where Kristoff takes Anna to meet the Trolls there is a cute little song called "Fixer Upper"  and while the scene in which the song takes place is meant to be silly and charming there was one portion of the song that really caught my attention. 

We aren't saying you can change him
'Cause people don't really change
We're only saying that love's a force that's powerful and strange
People make bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed
But throw a little love their way, and you'll bring out their best
True love brings out the best

Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper
That's what it's all about
Father, sister, brother
We need each other
To raise us up and round us out

Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper
But when push comes to shove
The only fixer upper fixer
That can fix a fixer upper is

The first thing I would like to discuss is the part of the song that states
 "We aren't saying you can change him
'Cause people don't really change"
So many times I have heard girls reject the warnings of their parents and/or friends about that guy she is interested because they think that they can "change him".  Now, sometimes people do change by the influence of a loved one, but these are gradual, minor and subtle changes- if they change at all. 

It is not wise to marry someone thinking you can change him or her from the person they are right now. A major issue will be hard to change and will take time and patience if the change happens at all. That being said, why would you want to be with someone who needed to make major changes for the two of you to have a successful relationship? It would be far wiser to be with someone who doesn't require such a large amount of "changing". 

In marriage change does happen and it should happen as the two of you learn to function as a team together instead of two separate individuals. If you are in a healthy relationship you will help each other to grow better as a person and a spouse. 

The second section I really loved was:
 "We're only saying that love's a force that's powerful and strange
People make bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed
But throw a little love their way, and you'll bring out their best
True love brings out the best"
Ever hear that often quoted phrase "Love Conquers All"? In some ways that statement is very true. Love mixed with patience can conquer hurt feelings and pride that would try to tear the two of you apart. True love is patient and kind, (I Corinthians 13). Remember to put your relationship above your pride.  Hurt feelings and a bruised ego is no where near the importance of the well being of your relationship. 

My husband often tells me that "When people get angry they often say things they don't mean, only because they are trying to push you away for hurting them," This statement has been repeated over and over in our home after one of us has lost our cool or had to deal with somebody else who was angry and said unkind things to one of us. It is a good reminder for me. In the heat of the moment I have said dumb and hurtful things that I never ever ever meant. Afterwards I am overcome by guilt for saying such things and my darling husband reminds me I am forgiven and he knows it was my anger that caused those words to fly out, not my heart. 

The last and most endearing part of the song for me was the lines:
"Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper
But when push comes to shove
The only fixer upper fixer
That can fix a fixer upper is

In all honesty,  YES  we are all "fixer uppers". While Jesus is the ultimate person who can truly heal our wounds and "fix us up" (and He certainly is definition of "True Love") -He does send people into our lives to also help us. We all enter relationships with baggage and problems. We all have tears and bumps and bruises from life on our hearts and souls. And all those little nicks and scrapes need some loving and care. Marriage should absolutely be a time when those bumps and bruises start getting cared for and patched up through the love the two of you share. It is foolish to go into marriage thinking that their will be no wounds to bandage, no cuts to stitch up, and no scrapes to care for.

Unconditional love is VERY powerful, and can be the healing power in your relationship.
Just remember-
 everyone is a "fixer upper" even you. And you know what? That's ok.  

Pin It Now!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Happily Ever After- The Greatest Fairytale

Dear girls, 
I have seen so many young women who are single, frustrated with their lives and desperate to find a boyfriend. These young ladies rush into a relationship expecting that it will someday fix all their problems and  make them happy. They get married and after a few months are confused by the problems that still exist in their lives. "Wasn't marriage to this awesome guy supposed to make me happy?? Why am I still struggling???" 

At one point I was guilty of this type of thinking too. As children we grew up with the romantic fairy tales, the Prince Charmings and the "Happily Ever Afters".  We dreamed about finding our perfect mate and living happily ever after. We seem to forget a critical part that these are indeed fairy tales, made up stories, works of fiction and not true-to-life. 

Marriage can be wonderful and it can be a huge happiness boost, but it does not ever mean that your problems and struggles disappear. You will still struggle, you will still need to conquer those giants in your lives and you will still have to combat problems. 

Marriage didn't make my problems go away. Marriage did not fix my panic disorder, it didn't erase my struggle with depression and it didn't end problems. So many of us think as young single girls that "if only I could get married THEN I will be happy, THEN my life will start" 

Am I saying that marriage is all hard work, no joy and no fun? 

Absolutely not! Marriage can be a wonderful and joyful part of your life. Marriage is a day by day experience, a relationship that requires daily maintenance and care for it to be successful. It takes hard work and dedication. It takes two partners who will put their relationship above personal pride. 

What I am ultimately trying to say is, don't get married thinking it will make you happy if you are not ready to put a lot of work into this relationship. 

Marriage is a rewarding and beautiful experience with the right partner but rushing into a relationship just because you want to be "happy" is a very bad idea. Don't mistake your infatuation with that cute guy to be God's blessing or will for this relationship. Get to know them. Take it slow. Learn what a relationship requires. Learn that being single is not a tragedy but instead an opportunity. 

Pin It Now!

Sunday, March 9, 2014

5 Steps to a Better Long Distance Relationship

Hello readers! 

Life happens, you meet someone perfect - start to fall in love and then their family moves out of state, or they go to college, or they have to move for their job. 

Can relationships survive the time apart and the distance?

I have been wanting to include long distance relationships for a while now on this blog but didn't know how to write about it. When I was dating my husband we were apart a lot, but he still lived in the same state as me and was able to visit at least once a week or every other week. I still missed him on those days apart after college summer break started but I can not ever truly help someone who has to go months without seeing their significant other. I knew a young lady who saw her boyfriend only 6 times during the two years before they actually got married. She lived over 14 hours away and he was busy with college, but their relationship survived and their are together now and have started having children. 

Download love couple Wallpaper 2

While I have never experienced a long distance romantic relationship I do have long distance friendships- four of them to be exact! Sometimes I just want to jump on a magic carpet, fly to my friends house and give them a great big hug when they are having a rough day. I do miss them and I am ecstatic when we can visit! 

I hope this video might help some of you young ladies or gents who are in a long distance relationship or have one staring you in the face all too soon. 

Have a great week! 

Would you like to write a guest post for Before the Veil? Message me on Facebook! 

Pin It Now!